Chillings-Raiplok Laboratories
Interdepartmental Memo

To: Dr. Ben Chillings
From: Nicola Cowap
Date: November 8, 2009

Subject: Proper conduct and tests required in Area 47-6E6-Pl8 (also known as 'The Basement')

It has come to several parties' attention (including several unfriendly outside circles and Dr. Raiplok) that some of the procedures currently in progress in the Basement may be detrimental to Chillings-Raiplok Laboratories as a whole.

Basement Procedures
It is understood that Area 47-6E6-Pl8 or 'the Basement' is solely your territory and the home of the majority of your experiments. It is also understood throughout the entirety of Chillings-Raiplok Laboratories that the afore-mentioned experiments are responsible for almost fifty percent of Chillings-Raiplok Laboratories' yearly earnings. However, certain practices are bringing negative attention to Chillings-Raiplok Laboratories. Of these practices, perhaps one may be continued, however, they both cannot continue, especially not at the rate they progress currently.

This request hopes to deter the FBI from visiting at the high rate they have been practicing in the past few months. The interns are running out of other experiments to distract them with. Last week, one of the interns almost took them into Area 35-0G8-Ft7, also known as 'the Zombie Room'. Obviously, this answers yesterday's query of what happened to the six vials of Black Serum you happened to notice were missing. They were needed to make sure that the intern did become a breeding ground for the virus and spread it. The danger of such an occurrence happening again is something that both Dr. Raiplok and I agree must be cut down at all costs.

As such, we have come to a decision. Either you cease building nuclear devices – specifically nuclear bombs – or you get rid of Quint. Quint cannot be released into the ocean (admittedly, none of us want to responsible for a real-life version of Jaws), but the amount and type of food that Quint requires most likely draws the FBI's attention.

Dr. Raiplok also requests that you disarm at least half of your nuclear warheads, as the FBI mentioned testing for radiation emissions in the building. Though some of the emissions can be easily explained away with above-ground experiments and their by-products, higher levels cause more problems and might undue the above explanation.

On the subject of radiation, Dr. Raiplok along with Dr. Rodriguez decided that it is acceptable for you to offer the FBI agents cookies; however, it is not acceptable for you to cook said cookies with any sort of radioactive material. Dr. Rodriguez will teach you how to use an oven and a recipe book, if need be.